


Disclosure

by mac_jem



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Explicit Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7217548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mac_jem/pseuds/mac_jem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While on live TV, John lets an ultra-conservative talk-show host know what he thinks about inappropriate quwstions</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disclosure

**Author's Note:**

> Bill O'Reilly isn't mine. He belongs to those ultra right wing ... you know who I mean.
> 
> I also don't own any part of Stargate. Wish I did, but I bet you do too!

**September 30 th, 2011.**

It wasn’t ‘Declassification’. They didn’t actually tell anyone much of anything.

No, it was ‘DISCLOSURE’. They admitted that the SGC existed, but not what the acronym actually stood for. They didn’t disclose anything about interstellar travel, either by stargate or by space ship.

The existence of alien beings on other planets was never mentioned. Neither were the wars fought with the Goa’uld, the Ori, Replicators, Asurans, or the Wraith.

The existence of ‘Atlantis’ had been disclosed, but only as the ruin of an ancient outpost, built by a branch of advanced humans who had died out millions of years ago. Located in the Antarctic, under over a mile of ice, it was virtually inaccessible, and thus safe from public scrutiny.

Unfortunately for Col. John Sheppard, Dr. Rodney McKay and Mr. Richard Woolsey, they were on the planet, debriefing the latest attempt by the Wraith to find the Milky Way galaxy when they were tapped by the US government to be the spokespeople for the ‘disclosure’.

Thanks to Richard’s standing as a member of the IOA, he was able to avoid entanglement. John and Rodney, however, were both employees of the US and were pressed into service as the ‘poster children’ for the Atlantis mission, with admonitions to ‘toe the party line’ and ‘play nice with the news jackels’.

Everything went well for the first eight days of their interview tour, until the evening they appeared on a rare, livecast production of ‘The O’Reilly Factor’.

“Col. Sheppard,” Bill O’Reilly asked, “I have a question for you that everyone of my viewers wants an answer to.”

“You can ask, of course, Mr. O’Reilly, but I must maintain the right not to answer.” John replied.

“Of course of course. We have several eye-witness accounts of inappropriate behavior between you and Dr. McKay. Would you care to clear the air?”

“No.”

“Come now, Colonel, the fifth amendment guarantees the fine citizens listening a right to know if you’re having sex with another man.”

“No, it doesn’t. You might want to actually read the Bill of Rights, rather than spouting off erroneous data. Be that as it may, until ten days ago, I believe the proper response would be ‘You don’t ask, and I’m not going to tell.’ Nonetheless, as of September 20th of this year, it doesn’t matter either way. Next question."

“Come on, Sheppard! Be out and proud! What’s wrong with letting the public that pays your salary know that you’re dipping your wick in McKay?”

The smile that grew across John’s face was thin, didn’t reach his eyes, and was the same one that had been on his face when he’d killed the 65 Genii that had tried to take Atlantis from them their first year. Reaching down, he drew something from his boot and set it, gently, on the table.

“That’s… that’s a really big knife, Colonel.”

“Hmm? Yes, I suppose it is. I’ve seen bigger, but this one is quite serviceable. It’s called a KA-BAR. It has a seven inch, carbon steel blade. The carbon steel allows it to be easily sharpened and hold an edge well. Carbon steel knives are prized by chefs all around the world precisely for those properties.

“This particular KA-BAR is my favorite. It was manufactured in 1943 for the USMC. I have no idea how it got into its previous owner’s possession, but I suppose it really doesn’t matter.”

“Right. What’s with the big damn knife, Colonel?”

“Did you know that I was captured by the Taliban in 1994, and held for just over three months?”

“I did read something about that in your bio, Colonel. What’s that got to do with the knife?”

“When I was captured, I was ‘given’ to one of their more… enthusiastic interrogators. I was under his oh, so tender ‘care’ for a total of 96 days. This KA-BAR was in his possession, and he used it on me every single one of those 96 days. Oh, he was careful. He never stabbed me in the gut or the chest cavity, and he managed to avoid major arteries.” Sheppard held up his left hand, so the cameras could see the 2 ½ inch white scar on the back of his hand. “On the 78th day, he tied my right hand behind my back, pinned my left to a table with this knife and left me there for fourteen hours. Unfortunately, he made sure the blades edge was facing my wrist, so I wouldn’t be able to just pull my hand back and escape.

“On the 96th day, my hand had healed, somewhat, and I’d had enough of his ‘hospitality’. I was able to surprise him when he came to take me from my cell, mainly because I had let him believe he had broken me, he was more than a little drunk. I took this knife from his belt, and shoved it into his forehead. I then pulled it free and used it to dispatch every single fucker in that camp. I was picked up by pararescue three days later.

“It might interest you to know that at the time, I was a part of Special Ops, one of their best. Since I took possession of this KA-BAR, I have used it to end 347 lives.”

“Why are you telling me this, Colonel Sheppard? Are you trying to threaten me?”

“Oh, goodness no! I would never threaten any upstanding citizen of this fair country!

“It’s just that your method of questioning and the tone you use to ask them, are very reminiscent of the way my Taliban 'interrogator' worked. I _**am**_ a veteran of a war zone. I’d hate to have a PTSD flashback, and mistake you for him.”

“That’s it for this episode of ‘The O’Reilly Factor’, tune in tomorrow for… whoever the hell is on then. Somebody get me away from this fucking lunatic!” O’Reilly ran as fast as he could, away from Sheppard.

McKay started laughing his ass off. “Damn, John! I think you made him shit himself! You really kill me. Well, not really, because who, in their right mind, kills their source for fantastic blow-jobs?”

“Certainly not me, Rodney. C’mon. Let’s go back to the hotel and you can demonstrate for me. Then maybe I’ll be able to convince you to pound my ass through the mattress?”

“Won’t need much convincing there. Let’s go. You know, on the plus side, since this was a live broadcast, future assholes, I mean talk-show hosts, will probably be leery of asking us any personal questions?”

“We can only hope.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot that popped into my head. I'm kind of stuck on 'To Rescue Tomorrow' right now, but I'll get something up soon (I hope!)


End file.
